“To Die For”

Her thoughts were a thick gel when her eyes cracked open. The air was hazy and her senses were a dulled mess. A heavy mist swirled overhead, gently kissing the warm skin of her face. It was dark out. Treetops crested the sides of her vision, scraping at the charcoal sky. There was no moon.

She sat up, rubbing her eyes. Her eyes delivered information in jumbled waves. At first she only saw the mist and the trees, then she saw the grass, then the road.

Eve. That was her name. Strange how it felt like something she had forgotten. There was more to her mind, yes. She had memories, though they did not return when she summoned them. It was as if she were trying to grasp the mists themselves. Whatever echoes of her mind lingered in this place, she could not reach them.

Something pricked her right arm. Bright lights overlapped the darkness, blotting it out like clouds did the sun. A strange coolness pumped into her arm. The icy sensation soon blended with the dull thrum of her heartbeat, becoming unnoticeable. The lights slipped from her vision like rain on steel, sliding away into the abyss of her broken mind.

There was a damp wooden fence along the dirt road. It smelled like springtime. In the distance there was a faint silhouette obscured by a dim light. It seemed to be a cabin.

“Eve?” someone said. Footsteps sounded to her left.

Eve turned, taking in the drab khaki pants and worn leather jacket of the man she knew so well. Her eyes settled on her husband’s face.

“It’s time to get up,” Levi said, his voice like a soft pillow. “We can’t have you lying on the ground all night now, can we?” Levi chuckled, extending a hand. His face was young and sharp enough to cut stone. He had messy hair the shade of a redwood’s bark and eyes the color of the ocean. He was perfect.

“Levi?” Eve asked, taking his firm hand. She pulled herself up. “Where are we?” She looked past him, finding that the unremarkable forest only continued onward.

“Somewhere safe,” Levi said, continuing to hold her hand in his. “A place where we can talk.”

Eve smiled, melting into Levi’s touch as he brushed a strand of her curly blonde hair out of her eyes. She felt his hand settle on her soft, rosy cheeks. His powerful gaze burned into hers. She was almost certain she could feel their eternal bond.

“Come on,” Levi said, breaking the stare. He left her with a wink before turning his attention to the road. “There are some things we must discuss.”

Turning with him, Eve realized something. There were no clouds, and there were no stars. The sky was empty in a way that it never could have been. She looked back down to the road. The cottage in the distance. It wasn’t real. It defied every law of physics and space, for she was certain it was thousands of miles away, yet it was only just down the path.

“Is this a dream?” Eve asked.

“Something like that.” Levi smirked in that intoxicating way of his. He started towards the road, Eve matched his pace. They stepped upward, setting foot on the slightly-raised road for the first time.

“Some dream…” Eve marveled. Normally when she was dreaming it felt as if she were looking at the world through one of those carnival mirrors, and when she would try to move it felt as if she were trying to run underwater. But it wasn’t like that here. This dream was different.

Something sparked to her right, on the edge of the small road. It flickered again after a few moments, then once more before transforming into a bright, swirling light. Beeps and shouts came from it, though they were hopelessly garbled.

“Would you like to take a look?” Levi asked. “What is it?” Eve asked, turning back.

“Why don’t you find out?” Levi nodded, motioning towards the spinning mass of sound and light.

Eve took a step forward, peering into the spiral of white and silver. It began to morph, becoming more defined. It formed a sort of strange window, allowing Eve to observe whatever was on the other side.

Bright walls enclosed the scene, with only a small doorway in the corner to break them up. Snow-white sheets covered her body. Tubes were sticking out of her arms and throat, she realized. Something beeped to her right, a tone sounding with each beat of her heart.

“This is a hospital,” Eve whispered. She stepped back. “Am I seeing through someone else’s eyes?”

Levi remained silent. He watched Eve with a strange curiosity, then motioned for her to follow once again. “Your memories,” Levi started. “They are missing, aren’t they?”

“Why—” Eve paused. “Yes, I suppose they are.”

“I figured as much.” Levi nodded. “Come, I can take us somewhere else.” Levi started down the road, this time walking away from the cabin. He stopped some time later, then waited.

Eve followed hesitantly. Something was very strange about all of this. She was certain that this was a dream, but it was unlike any dream she could remember.

“Give this one a try,” Levi said, offering a warm smile. He motioned to the materializing swirl of silver beside him.

Eve approached, watching in awe as the twisted mirror of reality came into focus. Sounds filled the night, mingling with the oddly inconsistent light within the window. Eve peered through the blurred colors, finding herself looking into a familiar room.

A hearth burned to the left, explaining the flickering light she had seen. The fire danced like leaves in the wind, spreading an aura of heat across the entire chamber. She could see her own arms and legs spread out before her, wrapped around an unfocused figure.

Whomever she was holding, they did not move. They were not dead, she quickly observed, they were only sleeping. His chest rose and fell with a peaceful serenity. His heart echoed the chorus of respiration in a manner so beautiful that Eve was certain this world was paradise.

“I would die for you,” someone breathed.

Eve looked for the source, realizing that it was her mirrored-self who had said the words. She began to recognize the redwood hair of the slumbering man in her arms. This place that she saw, it was paradise indeed.

Levi pulled her away from the scene. “Do you remember now?” Levi asked. “Remember what?” Eve asked. “How much I love you? That is something I can never forget.”

Levi sighed. His ocean eyes were troubled. Something was wrong. He waved her along, starting back toward the distant cabin. Only it had moved. The cabin was closer, now. It was barely beyond the remnants of the first silver spiral.

“I believed that I could spark your mind with nothing more than those two scenes,” Levi said. “A fool’s hope, I suppose, but a hope of mine nonetheless.”

“Levi, what’s wrong?” Eve asked. “Something’s going on here. I don’t know what it is, but something about this whole place just seems wrong.” Eve’s attention was pulled away, for another swirl had appeared on the edge of the road.

This one was different.

There was a fire, but its nature was vastly different from the one in the previous scene. This light was uncontrolled, violent. Eve peered through the twisting plumes of silvery liquid, gazing into the world on the other side.

There was a road, a road like any other. It was nighttime. Skid marks scarred the pavement, leading up to the burning hunk of metal on the shoulder. Smoke trailed off into the sky. There had been a car crash.

“Why are you showing me this?” Eve asked, stepping away. “I don’t even know anyone who’s been in a car crash.”

“You and I both know that isn’t true,” Levi said. He turned away, sighing again. “Still nothing, huh?” He started toward the ever-approaching cabin once again.

Eve did not move.

“Eve,” Levi said, turning back. “Come here.”

“Why?” Eve asked, raising an eyebrow. She crossed her arms. “This is all a dream, and nothing you’ve shown me has made any sense, so why should I? Why not just wait here until I wake up?”

“Eve,” Levi said. Something haunted his voice, something painful. “Please, just one more. I promise that this is the last one.” He was nearly pleading. This wasn’t like him.

“Levi,” Eve said. “What’s wrong? I know you well enough to notice when you’re upset, so what is it?”

“Why don’t you tell me?” Levi’s eyes looked dead as he motioned to the final window. This one was only a few feet before the first, and the cabin was only a few steps beyond that.

Eve took a deep breath. She forced her legs to move, one after another. A few seconds later she arrived at the window and looked inside.

She saw herself, but not through her own eyes as she had before. This time, she was watching herself from above.

Eve watched herself in the darkness, the dim light of their bathroom barely illuminating her face. She was slamming pills into her mouth, forcing them down her throat. Bottle after bottle, pill after pill, she choked them down. She reached for the next bottle, and did it again.

“I’m…” Eve started, tears wetting her eyes. “I’m killing myself,” she whispered. “Why?” And then she remembered.

It all flooded back to her, like water crashing over a fallen dam. It was then that she realized this was no dream.

“The car crash,” Eve whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek. “We were in that car,” Eve said, turning to Levi. “You died in that car crash, two weeks ago… and I had nothing more than a few scratches.”

Levi nodded.

“You were trying to remind me, by showing me that scene of us by the fireplace,” Eve breathed. “I said that I would die for you and… I did.” Eve gazed at the swirl. “I couldn’t bear to live without you. I couldn’t take it anymore and—” Eve trailed off. “I didn’t want you to be alone, so I tried to kill myself.”

“You are currently in a coma, lying in the hospital bed that I first showed you,” Levi said. “You are not dead, but you are not entirely alive either.”

“I don’t understand,” Eve said. “How are you here? Where am I?”

Levi turned to the cabin, and lowered his head once again. “You are at the beginning of what could be your end,” Levi said softly. “You can come with me, if you choose to do so.” Levi motioned to the cabin once again. “But it is not too late to return.”

“What—” Eve stuttered, barely able to speak through the tears. “Tell me what I should do.”

Levi took her hand in his. “I love you, Eve.” Levi looked into her eyes. “I know what you said that night by the fire.” Levi paused. “But I do not want you to die for me, Eve. I want you to live for me.”

Eve smiled through the tears, taking Levi’s face in her hands. This was the man that she had lost. This was the angel on Earth that was no longer hers. This was why she had done it. And this was why she would undo it.

Levi said she still had a choice. It wasn’t too late to return to her life. Right now, life meant pain, but a life of pain was better than no life at all. She had tried to take her own life thinking that she was honoring Levi. But he would’ve wanted her to live. He would’ve wanted her to pick up the pieces of her shattered will and build a stronger one. He would’ve wanted her to mend her shattered heart and ignite a new love. She wasn’t just going to live again, she was going to thrive.

But she wasn’t going to forget. No… She would never forget.

“I love you, Levi,” Eve whispered. She pulled her hand away, and woke up.